


COLD AND DARK DO GO WELL TOGETHER: a cautoionary tale for illuminated magical dickhole sex

by japastiel



Category: Rise of the Guardians (2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Porn, Crack, M/M, Parody, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn, crack parody, cthulu - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-22
Updated: 2013-07-22
Packaged: 2017-12-20 23:52:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/893370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/japastiel/pseuds/japastiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack is blue, Pitch is a giant Cthulu Ectoplasm Cloud. A tale of how Cold and Darkness Do go well together. This is crack. I am sorry. No. I am not sorry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	COLD AND DARK DO GO WELL TOGETHER: a cautoionary tale for illuminated magical dickhole sex

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Adventures of Kurt Manlove](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/25072) by OustSurfaceDisinfectant. 
  * Inspired by [Concept Art](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/25073) by Shane Prigmore. 
  * Inspired by [Concept Art II](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/25074) by Shane Prigmore. 



> i am sorry.

Jack digs his blue finger tips into his staff as the wind carries him to a high branch of a particularly piney smelling fir tree. The pine needles create an eerie shadow pattern over his ice blue skin on his pale blue ankles. 

A strange shadow looms over his tree spot and Jack jumps up flailing his staff around violently. A dark ominous cloud hovers, and appears to absorb the shimmering moonlight. It forms a long tentacle out of its cloud body and gestures for Jack to come closer. 

"Hello Jack. you beautifully blue sprite. I have been looking for you for ages. How you have been alone for too long. I am here to end your isolation. I am Pitch Black and I want to soothe your loneliness with my tentacles."  
Pitch loomed into Jack's space and caressed Jack's lower back with his right lower tentacle, sneaking under his hoodie to make sure his intentions were clear.

Jack's wide blue eyes opened a fraction wider and then narrowed as he lept away from Pitch. He glared into Pitch's eight white glowing spider eyes.

"Hell no! Get away from me!! You're nothing but bad news!"

The dark cloud shrunk in size and lowered, drawing his tentacles into his body. 

"Jack, I come to you as a friend. I mean you no harm." 

Jack considered the translucent floating form before him. What harm could it do to make one friend. He is hella lonely. 

"Yeah, sure, why not. Lets be friends Pitch." Jack reached out with his non-staff wielding hand and was promptly rewarded with Pitch's main tentacle wrapping around his fingers and stroking his wrist.  
"Jack, I would like to be more than friends, I think we should have hot nightmare sand tentacle sex. I want your amazing hard cold blue body to meld with my very receptive ectoplasm. " Pitch winked with half of his eyes suggestively. 

Jack liked the sensation of Pitch touching him and stroking his warm sandy tentacle on his wrist so he lowered his thick lashes half-mast over his wide baby blue pixie eyes and smirked, "Yeah, I figured, let's do this. I would love to have hot sandy tentacle sex with you Pitch."

Pitch gathered the frosty spirit up with a swoosh of his eight tentacles and laid Jack at the ground ever-so-gently in a soft drift of freshly fallen snow.

All eight of Pitch's tentacles stroked on Jack's chilled blue flesh until he knew he needed more. 

"Jack," Pitch breathed heavily from his ectoplasm, "I want to have the tentacle sex with you now. Can I take your clothes off?"

Jack was so excited he jumped up and ripped his hoodie and pants off with one hand revealing his sparkly blue leopard print thong underneath. "Lets go big boy!"

Pitch loomed in closer and closed half of his bright white eye orbs. 

"Jack, prepare yourself. Would you like four of my sandy black nightmare tentacles in your anus?" Asked Pitch in his perfect deep seductive British-accented voice.

Jack thought he might come just from hearing Pitch's voice vibrate out of his cloud mouth. "Pitch, I wish I could, but I'm a virgin, I could never have four of your impressive tentacles in my perfect virgin anus."

 

Jack batted his eyelashes for no apparent reason and Pitch loomed.

 

"We will see what your beautiful perfectly virgin anus can handle then, my lovely Jack Frost!" Pitch then extended his largest sand tentacle around Jack's waist and pulled him closer until Jack's lips touched Pitch's ectoplasm just underneath his eyes where his lips would have been if he had lips. 

Jack moved his lips within Pitch's warm ectoplasm and Pitch ripped off Jack's super sexy sparkly thong and started stroking Jack's tight sinuous virgin anus with his largest sand tentacle. 

His tentacles secreted a sticky substance that was a perfect form of anal lube, it was white, looked like milk and tasted like magical marshmallow virgin unicorn tears.

Jack pressed his body towards Pitch's phantom body and whispered, "Pitch, I'm ready, take me!"

Pitch then slithered two of his largest tentacles into Jack and they both moaned like starving children in front of a giant food buffet. Jack agreed to having as many of Pitch's tentacles in his butt because Pitch's kisses were sweeter than sugar to a diabetic and Jack needed more. Pitch stealthily slid two more tentacles into Jack's butt and Jack moaned super hella loud and it echoed through the dark moonlit snow covered forest.

"Oh, Pitch, your warm tentacles feel so good inside my virgin anus. I think I love you!" Jack stuttered as he sunk his nimble blue digits into Pitch's smoldering ectoplasm. 

 

Jack touched at his erected boner. It was huge and stiff and vascular. Jack didn't have any pubes because he did die when he was 18 and experimental so he shaved them off just in case someone might wanna touch him in his no-no place. 

Pitch's smaller tentacle wrapped around Jack's virgin erected penis and stroked it until he was close. Jack moaned like a pixie shaped whore and stroked into Pitch's rectoplasm.

 

Gary Busey was walking through the sparkly moonlit snow covered forest for no apparent reason in the middle of the night and he saw a shadowy Cthulu creature sexing up Jack Frost's tight virgin anus with his sandy black nightmare tentacles. Gary Busey approved.

 

Just then Pitch's sandy tentacles pulsed a couple times and then came with a hella strong force inside Jack's now-not-virgin anus. His magical sandy nightmare cum pulsed against Jack's prostate and he came too. Jack felt the sandy black cum shoot up into his body, and he started to extract nutrients from it. He sighed blissfully because he knew that he was extracting nutrients from nightmare cum and that is hella hot.

 

"Hell yeah that was so hot Pitch," Jack moaned as Pitch laid him back on the moonlit fresh snow covered ground. The moonlight made Jack look even more perfect covered in black nightmare cum, that was black and sandy and sparkled like sand in the bright moonlight on his light sapphire skin. 

 

Pitch then loomed closer and pulled out his special tentacle, which was hidden behind the other large tentacles. This one was larger and had some gold sand swirling in its middle. It was very thick and was self illuminating like one of those cool deep sea creature fish on the discovery channel.

 

"I want you to fuck me with that," Jack grabbed his impressive dark blue manhood that was still very aroused because he doesn't have any refractory period because he's a magical immortal frost spirit. "but I want you to fuck me here with it," Jack slid his thinnest long blue finger into his dick hole.

 

Pitch loomed and wrapped his largest most special tentacle around Jack's manhood. "Jack, I don't think it will fit, but maybe it will if we use some of my special dream sand." Pitch's largest special tentacle then excreted some of the gold light all over his largest tentacle and then dripped some on Jack's tight virgin dickhole. 

Jack gripped Pitch's largest special illuminated nightmare tentacle and shoved in into his dick. He screamed with only half pleasure because it hurt like a bitch. But he wasn't a whiny douchebag and it kinda felt good too, so he kept going. 

Tears of pleasure fell from all eight of Pitch's glowy white eye orbs. He was very close to coming from his largest special tentacle. There was blue blood and sparkly nightmare come everywhere. "See, Jack, cold and darkness do go together well."

"What?" Jack looked confused.

"Oh, I forgot to say that when we first met five minutes ago." Pitch's smaller arm tentacles shrugged. 

He kept fucking Jack's dick with his enormous special tentacle. He came with a grunt and his special nightmare cum was mixed with the glowy gold light. Jack felt euphoric when he came again and then said so.  


Jack fell back into the snow and pulled pitch on top of him like a weird ghost black alien blanket of ectoplasm. They were covered in Jack's blue blood, and black cum with the glowy yellow light in it. It smelled like happiness forever.

**Author's Note:**

> i am NOT sorry. suckas.
> 
>  


End file.
